Welcome to Tony’s Takes, this is reoccurring segment on the Jersey Beer Guys and Girl the Website where I sit with my jar pennies and throw in my 2 cents on my beer related opinions. This week’s take is a vignettes of quick hitting beer opinions and one non-Beer magma lava dying hypergiant take.

1. Lactose in Beer

I am lactose intolerant, but I am a sucker for a milkshake IPA. I can only drink one in a day because it makes me gassier than Jupiter. I would say just let’s not put lactose in every beer. I would like to see more Sour IPAs and a West Coast IPAs being made. I love the hazy NEIPAs but let’s mix it up

• Hard Seltzers and Slushies

Hard Seltzers are not for me. I’ve tried a lot of them, and they just do not taste good to me. I understand why breweries make them, they are less expensive to make than beer and gets the non-beer drinkers into the breweries. It is a great diversification of product. If there is any seltzer that any of my dozens and dozens of readers could recommend, I would try it. Slushies are the next thing. Brix City, Westville, and Three 3’s has all put out Slushies with beer in them and they are dangerous and delicious.

• Green, Gimmick, and Adjuncts Beers

I am not for green St. Patty’s day beer but holiday inspired beers I am here for. Magnify released a beer for Easter called Egg Hunt which is an ice cream and marshmallow sour. Heavy Reel released Rum Ham which is a Fruited Berliner Weisse made with pineapple, cherry, and Atlantic sea salt. I need all of that plus a It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia reference. I love a good gimmick. Germany has beer purity laws and beer police that has been in place for 500 years called the Reinheitsgebot. I love adjuncts in beer. As you can tell from my gimmick beer take. Flaked oats in lagers. Fine by me. Marshmallow sour, sign me up. Pork in my porter, yes please. Maple Syrup in my stout. Absolutely.

• South Jersey Brewery Madness Facebook Group

It has been two years since Brian Kieffer made a Facebook group that took all the South Jersey breweries and did a March Madness Style Bracket where people could vote on who the best Brewery was. The group currently has over 6,500 people in it. Brian announced that he would not be doing a voting bracket this year. While sad, it was a great exercise to see which breweries the most well liked and which breweries were grew from one year to the next. New Jersey is a criminally underrated beer state, and this group was a testament to that. I hope someone else continues it. (unrelated note: The Jersey Beer Guys Podcast family each filled out a bracket last year and the wager was one 4 pack of beer from everyone to the winner, I won, and I am still waiting for my beer. I believe it is talked about on the Swedesboro episode)

• Nothing to do with Beer Take-Disney Edition

I spent a lot of time at home with my daughters over the last couple weeks due to an illness. I was showing them the older, non-Pixar Disney movies. I can only take so much Frozen and Coco. Beauty and the Beast was one of my favorites growing up, Be Our Guest is an absolute banger and top three Disney song. Beauty and the Beast has one of the best non-titular characters. Gaston. Gaston is not the bad guy/villain of Beauty and the Beast. Gaston is a war hero (French War Hero nonetheless) and a romantic (sets up a makeshift wedding by himself for Belle only to be brutally rebuffed). Gaston goes up against a bigger and stronger opponent embodied with magical powers to save the woman of his dreams and dies trying. Gaston is the hero in every other Disney movie. 

The Beast kidnaps Belle and then Stockholm Syndromes her until she breaks. The servants are the castle only see Belle as a means to an end to have their humanity restored. The servants help the Beast seem okay by serving all of Belle’s needs. I will also hear arguments for Maurice (Belle’s father) being the villain for letting his daughter switch places with him in a dungeon. What a garbage human being.

You can follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Reddit or Twitter at Tony Iocono.  Don’t be a jabroni and that’s Tony Take for this installment of Jersey Beer Guys and Girl, the Website.